"The most common question I've seen asked when other cryptocurrencies arise is this: 'Where does the value come from?' Of course it's a complicated factor of how useful it is in meeting a known or newly-discovered demand, but explaining it in any proper detail is too long of a pitch for the sort of layman who still carries cash. They lose interest, or interpret their own confusion as the result of what we say being utter bullshit. It is not an issue of the customer's education or of them being culturally backward, as many of my competitors have claimed in the past, but an issue of our own marketing and service." He pauses for dramatic effect, then continues.
"The marketing could be fixed, but what would distinguish our product from the others that would quickly adapt our strategies and terminology? So, service first. The idea came to us while we were still on the marketing angle. There is the common tale of the writing challenge to create a story that is as short as possible while still speaking volumes. 'For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Worn' is the answer most people recognize. With context doing most of the lifting, it tells the glimpse of a larger story of tragedy and coping. Possession of an object for which the intended recipient is no longer around, so they must do their best to get value out of an object that is now useless to them. So what does this have to do with cryptocurrency? Enter the tachyon!" The screen moves to the next slide, showing a calendar with small clock-shaped spheres chaotically colliding across the different days.
"Theorized in 1967 and confirmed just this past year, the tachyon allows us to transport information through time non-linearly. With the right configuration, you can even reach an alternate present. So imagine a special service. You accept an implant next to your heart that detects that you're alive, and with it receive a fixed value. Then, should you ever die in any alternate reality where you have this implant, it emits this tachyon burst that reaches across time to let your living version inherit the value that would have normally been lost from your untimely death in that unfortunate branch of time. Outlive possibility and become rich, or simply take solace in the fact that no matter what happens to you, there will be some version of you who becomes part of billionaire high society." The man dramatically flourishes as the presentation moves to the logo reveal. Depicted is a stylized rendition of infant-sized footwear, with the name on top in the same font as the Back To The Future movie poster.
"Baby-Shoe-Coin! Make use of value that you would otherwise have lost! The layman knows what it is, and understands the concept. It's frugality with explosive returns, morally and ethically clean! Why invest in something intangible when you can invest in all of your potential selves? Once we're out of the closed beta we'll even have the functionality to preset a eulogy message to transmit to your surviving timelines!" He holds the pose, waiting for my reaction. The presentation goes dark as his phone auto-dims.
I struggle with the mix of conflicting responses that try to surge forth, and he can see it in my face. Finally the elevator reaches its destination and opens to let the other unfortunate occupants out, but I suspect he might try to stop me from leaving if I don't answer. So I take a deep breath, and make a mild success at appearing calm as I speak. "Sir, you have successfully convinced me that the entire concept of the elevator pitch is a mistake. I'll call security if you're still in the building in five minutes."
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